Is Megan Fox’s Replacement A Swimsuit Model?

Whatever you’ve decided about who dumped whom, Megan Fox will not be appearing in the third Transformers installment.

Personally, I hope he dumped her. I assume, if you’re a man, you’re up on all things Megan Fox, but as a woman, I’m kind of embarrassed to include her in the female gender. Her acting skills rival Hayden Christensen (of Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader fame) for some of the worst I’ve seen.

Plus, she’s the most hypocritical bisexual woman on the planet. If she’s even bisexual any more. It sounds like she’s about to marry that dorky kid from 90210. I mean the original 90210, not that new-fangled version that’s on now. Which leads me to my favorite Megan Fox quote ever:

I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I’m also a hypocrite: I would never date a girl who was bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I’d never want to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man.

It’s possible that comparing Michael Bay to Hitler was the final nail in her Transformers coffin, though. And now Bay wants to exchange one vapid, pretty face for another.

The list is down to three, with Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (What? You’ve never heard of her? That makes two of us.) as the front-runner. I would have linked you to her IMDB page, but that would only tell you that she was in several Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show specials.

Sure, Tyra Banks might tell you have to be an actress to walk the Victoria’s Secret catwalk, but I’m not buying it. I can’t make any assumptions about Rosie’s acting talent, though, because she’s not an actress. I’m sure she can rock a bra like a pro, but how does that transfer to the big screen?

There are two other candidates who might beat Huntington-Whiteley. Seriously, with a name like that I expect her to be in riding breeches chasing a hare through a grassy field. Then she’ll ring a little bell and the butler will bring her some sparkling water in a champagne flute and she’ll watch someone groom the hounds.

Sarah Wright, whose biggest claim to fame is “The House Bunny” (starring Anna Faris), so you know she must be on the verge of winning an Academy Award. And Brooklyn Decker, who’s a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model.

Clearly, Bay isn’t looking for serious acting chops here. And frankly, anyone with a pinky-full of talent would out-shine Shia LeBouf.

Megan Fox’s chest did that in the first two movies, right?

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who replaces Megan in “Transformers 3.” I’m in it for the transformer sound effects.