POINT/COUNTERPOINT: ‘Valentine’s Day’

Editor’s Note: We like to give fresh, honest perspectives on movies at Red Carpet Crash. That’s why we sent Matt Rayford and Amy Reeder to review Garry Marshall’s “Valentine’s Day.” You can read their previous joint reviews of “The Twilight Saga: New Moon” and “Dear John.” If you think you know how each person thought about the movie… think again.

I am well aware of the not-so-clever title of “Valentine’s Day” that is linked to the upcoming “holiday”, but that does not mean that I was any less excited about the movie. While I do not believe in new cars or diamonds for this man-made day of love, I do, however, believe in a little romance, which this movie delivers. I totally bought into the star-studded, tangled web of love stories that is “Valentine’s Day.”

This story presents a fairy-tale life that almost anybody could desire. Women of all occupations (including an elementary teacher) wearing Christian Louboutins, a mail-room clerk wearing the newest, hippest suit with the finest pic stitching, a teen who is forced to nanny after school but still has a hot “it bag”, all driving trendy cars and living in nice LA homes and manage to find the perfect romance.

The hot line-up is something to be spoken of. The trailers and posters for this movie serve more as a flash-point reminder of the cast. In the men’s corner there is Kelso (Ashton Kutcher), that hot guy from “The Hangover” (Bradley Cooper), McSteamy (Eric Dane), McDreamy (Patrick Dempsey), Venom (Topher Grace), Jacob Black (Twilight’s sexy, underage werewolf aka: Taylor Lautner), Monk’s psychiatrist (the ever-charming Hector Elizondo), Ray (Jamie Foxx), George Lopez and new-comers Bryce Robinson and Carter Jenkins. Representing the ladies we had a cast of super women, including; Electra (Jennifer Garner), Invisible Woman (Jessica Alba), Agent 99 (Anne Hathaway), Nancy Drew (Emma Roberts), Mary Camden (Jessica Biel), Erin Brockovich (Julia Roberts), Motormouth Maybelle (Queen Latifah), Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates), Ouiser Boudreaux (Shirley MacLaine) and pop/country star Taylor Swift.

This mish-mash of characters sometimes feels forced, but the weaving plot lines definitely served as riddles to be solved to keep the audience interested. This, however, did not lend much room for clever screenwriting by Katherine Fugate, which often left all of the women with the same over-all snippy-yet-love-struck attitude and the men too malleable. Hathaway managed to slip from the mold, though, and shone through with a daring, sex kitten personality that stole the show. Robinson, too, stood in the spotlight, but it’s hard not to fall in love with an 11 year old who talks about being in love while on a soccer field.

The two Taylors serve as a big draw being very current ex’s who the tabloids chased. Their input into the development of the story ends there. As an outspoken non-fan of Lautner’s acting and very weary of Swift’s, it was no surprise that this movie did nothing to change my views. While it was fun to watch what I could only imagine as the beginning of their short-lived real-life romance, their acting was over-done, under-developed and hyper-active.

Unfortunately, this movie delivers the unromantic part of V-day, as well. Around every corner is a reminder of the commercialism of the holiday; flower shops and chocolates and cards, versus the grand gesture for which most girls search. They also hit heavily on all of the LA hotspots, including the Beverly Wilshire Hotel and the Flower Mart, instead of making a geographically ambiguous storyline that could take place in any city and seem attainable.

While I often expect more depth from a Garry Marshall film, I felt perfectly at ease with this movie. It took me through romance and love at all stages of life. This movie will make a perfect date night, but will lead to high expectations for the holiday. As a piece of advice: if any men plan on taking their significant other to this movie, make sure that you first have lived up to your Valentine’s Day obligations, however grandiose they may be.

– Amy Reeder

Valentine’s Day is a magical holiday where you get the finest chocolates from France flown in, you scour the city in search of the perfect stargazer lilies and hire a five-piece jazz quartet to play outside your girlfriend’s window only to have her break up with you on Facebook the next day. Well, that’s my experience anyway. Unfortunately, “Valentine’s Day” the film, directed by Gary Marshall, left me with the exact same emotions: empty, bored and ready to delete my Facebook account. Okay, maybe not the “exact” same emotions, but let’s not get caught up in that and focus on the point at hand. ‘Valentine’s Day” is 125 struggling minutes of “I don’t care.”

Honestly, ‘Valentine’s Day’ far exceeded my expectations, simply because my only expectation was to not fall asleep during the entire movie. Sadly, this has more to do with the old lady kicking my chair in excitement every time someone got flowers, and less due to the riveting story line. Of course, when I say “story line” I mean jumbled mess of watered down, clichéd tales of romance.

‘Valentine’s Day” flaunts a star-studded cast including: that one guy, that girl from that thing and that super dreamy guy. With a cast like that, what could possibly go wrong? When I was fourteen, I attempted to break a Guinness Record by eating 37 Zebra Cakes in five minutes. The lesson I learned that day applies well to ‘Valentines Day’: there can be too much of a good thing. What was likely a clever attempt to link the love lives of many people on Valentine’s Day wound up being a cluttered mess of characters you just don’t care about.

If you’re a woman reading this, just stop now. You’re going to go see this movie, you’re going to love it and you’ll forever hate your significant other for never being as romantic as the characters in this extremely contrived anthology of love stories. If you’re a man reading this, you’ve likely grown bored and become confused with the abundance of words on the screen. For you, because I care about you so much, I will simplify things. To help you formulate your own opinion, I have created a Pros and Cons list about ‘Valentine’s Day’ because seriously, who doesn’t love lists?

Cons:

• Stars Ashton Kutcher
• Jessica Alba doesn’t get naked
• Jessica Biel doesn’t get naked
• Stars Ashton Kutcher
• Zero explosions
• The main character is a flourist
• The guy who was a wolf in Twilight is in it
• Stars Ashton Kutcher
• Doesn’t star Will Smith
• You see old people kissing
• Zero car chases
• Taylor Swift is a better singer than she is an actress (note: Taylor Swift is a horrible singer)
• The number of scenes involving guys with shirts off is higher than zero
• And finally… This movie stars Ashton Kutcher

Pros:

• Near the beginning, you kind of almost catch a little bit of a glimpse of Jennifer Garner’s butt

Yeah… That’s pretty much it.

‘Valentines Day’ is a movie purely capitalizing on star power and the ability to completely take advantage of an over-hyped meaningless holiday. It’ll have a big opening weekend and then fall off the face of the earth faster than Macaulay Culkin did when he hit puberty. Guys, do the right thing: take your special lady out to a romantic dinner at Denny’s on Valentine’s Day, and avoid this movie at all costs.

– Matt Rayford