Your Early Morning Late Night News

Rumors and jabs flew on Thursday, as no one would go on record admitting knowing what was going on with NBC’s late night schedule.

The gist of the rumors was that NBC had struck a deal to return Leno to 11:35, and that Conan O’Brien would leave the network. While this may turn out to be the case, they still hadn’t worked anything out with Conan O’Brien — so NBC couldn’t really announce anything about the situation.

One thing they could announce: Conan’s ratings in the 18-49 demos are up. Letterman’s still winning overall, but it’s the demos that sell advertising.

Nikki Finke reports that NBC brought in a heavy hitter, former agent and current Universal COO Ron Meyer, to try to broker an agreement. If I’m reading between the lines correctly, much of the wrangling seems to be over the definition of “Tonight Show”. NBC’s stand is that the contract says they can push the show back to 12:05 if they want to. Zucker would be happy to scream that Conan’s in breach of contract and keep him off the air for as long as possible, since he blames Conan for having lower ratings than Leno, never mind that Leno’s the reason the local news lead-ins are losing audience in the first place. (By the way, did you know that Jeff Zucker had Conan O’Brien arrested in college? This just keeps getting weirder.) Conan’s team’s stand is that “Tonight Show” has always been right after the local news, and moving it to 12:05 is missing the entire point; NBC’s the one in breach of contract, and if they want Conan to go away, they’re going to have to buy him out and let him take another offer that would put him back on the air PDQ.

The population of Internet at large is on Team Conan, if Twitter trending topics are any indication. Is anyone on Team Leno besides Jay Leno and Jeff Zucker? If you’re thinking that Jeff Zucker will listen to the better angels of public opinion and leave Conan alone, I have four words for you: “Father of the Pride.” You remember: The animated show about a bunch of Sigfried and Roy’s lions that Zucker pushed through even though Roy’s onstage mauling was fresh in the public’s mind, making it possibly the worst idea in TV history — followed closely by another Zucker pet project, “Joey”. Both of these debuted in 2004, the same year that Zucker locked himself into the 2009 “Tonight Show” handover. And then he got PROMOTED. And he’s STILL EMPLOYED. I know I keep pointing that out, but I’ve been following the industry since elementary school, and I’ve seen many executives let go for far less massive screw-ups. I just don’t get it, and I know I’m not alone in wonder what Zucker has on whom.

Where was I? Right, late night television. None of the hosts are holding back. Before whatever transpires today — and I can guarantee something will, because this is getting too ridiculous to go on much longer — take a few minutes to review Thursday night’s shenanigans, via Gawker’s nightly roundup: Leno tried to make himself look like the victim in his monologue, and failed so spectacularly that I don’t think anyone else felt sorry for him when Jimmy Kimmel spent a whole 10@10 segment ripping into him – just like they didn’t when Kimmel did a show in character as Jay Leno earlier this week (with Chevy Chase as Conan O’Brien). Conan’s considering that porn offer and may make some cash selling the show on Craigslist. David Letterman is sniggering. Jimmy Fallon is covering “Pants on the Ground” as Neil Young. (Wouldn’t you, if you could?) And Craig Ferguson has the gall to mention that while we’re all waiting to find out “which middle-aged white guy’s gonna get X million dollars at what point,” there’s, like, this whole humanitarian crisis thing going in Haiti.

Some people.