POINT/COUNTERPOINT: ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’

Editor’s Note: “The Twilight Saga: New Moon” hits theatres this weekend. Whether you love it or hate it, you’ve likely been unable to avoid it. Based on scientific studies (that have been completely fabricated for the purpose of this article), the staff of Red Carpet Crash believe that all filmgoers fall in to one of two “Twilight” categories: the “Twi-Hard” who has read every book, memorized every line of the first movie, and is one wine cooler away from getting a “Stupid Lamb” tattoo on their lower back; the other, a person completely apathetic to the entire existence of the “Twilight” phenomenon, and if not for a overly-creepy Burger King ad campaign where you can get the picture of a hot guy on your Diet Coke, would never even know or care about the world that houses a young Edward Cullen. For your edification, we present a review from both perspectives.

A TALE OF TWO TWILIGHTS
By: Amy Reeder and Matt Rayford

I knew going into this movie that I would be struck with the age old questions of original vs. sequel, book vs. movie and werewolf vs. vampire. Bella’s awkward tendencies (or maybe just Kristen Stewart’s tweaking) were immediately apparent in the first second of the first scene of “New Moon,” but maybe that’s why we fell in love with her in the first movie. How could us nerdy, avid book readers not rejoice at the fact that the socially awkward girl is the heroine and someone whom the entire town adores?

The screenplay followed the book rather closely. They did add in little ghostly Edwards as the voice in her head, but I would never complain that there is too much Rob Pattinson. If anything, it added to the film. “New Moon” suffered a bit from a lack of the uncomfortable chemistry of Bella and Edward, which was constrained by the original plot of the book. However, the decision to axe director Catherine Hardwicke was one of the best decisions of the “Twilight” producers (second only to choosing a beautiful cast). Chris Weitz, “New Moon” director, put an end to the jumpy, bipolar feel that Twilight possessed.

This film, as all of us Twi-hards know, was centered around the maturing relationship of Bella and Jacob. Unfortunately, Taylor Lautner’s acting has not much progressed since he filmed “Shark Boy and Lava Girl.” Fortunately, I was not forced to pay attention to that because his werewolf transformation, which rips off clothes in a style reminiscent to the Incredible Hulk, causing him to be shirtless.

All-in-all, I have loved this story since I broke the binding on the first book in the Twilight saga. While I may seem critical of the movie, I left the theater with a grin creeping across my face. The ending was perfect and although I’ve read the next book, it still left me hanging a bit. Just as a heads up, don’t expect to be serenaded by Rob Pattinson, or to see a clever representation of the book cover in this movie. To answer my immediate dilemmas; sequel, book, BOTH!

-Amy Reeder

“New Moon” sucks. I’d rather someone have taken a belt sander to my crotch for two hours than have watched that movie. “New Moon” is worse than getting swine flu on prom night. “New Moon” is worse than your wife cheating on you with some guy who plays arena football. Confused on my opinion of the movie? Well, it would only be gentlemanly of me to elaborate further.

Hey, remember the first “Twilight” movie? Just replace the main guy with the not main guy and, BOOM! Sequel!! You don’t even have to write a new script! Just change guys and our fan base will never notice a thing. If you haven’t seen the first one, remember that one episode of “Saved By The Bell” where Zach had a date with both Lisa and Kelly to prom and went through some wacky hijinks to eventually just find out what we knew all along, that he was always meant to be with Kelly. Well, that’s “New Moon!”

Too adolescent a review for you? Fine. The character progression is wildly rushed, despite having an entire first movie to launch from. The dialogue is cheesy, childish, and uninspired. The story is predictable, and flooded with repetition of the most simplistic ideas, such as “I have a secret…. But I’ll never tell…. OK, I’ll tell you.” The cinematography is pretentious, nauseating and even amateurish at points. The action scenes are reminiscent of the first time I ever saw wire work done in a movie, but significantly less impressive considering the decades of advancement made to the art. And finally, the ending, without giving anything away (as if you care), is almost on par with a daytime soap opera, except instead of waiting 23 hours for the story to continue, you wait a year.

If you’re on the fence and thinking about jumping on the Twilight bandwagon, do yourself a favor and apply a portion of your face on to a George Foreman Grill instead. If you’re already a Twilight fan, well…. It’s too late for you. Be passionate about your love and go steadfast into the world of lackluster mediocrity, careful to never look back, because if you do, we’ll be here. Laughing. Pointing. And most importantly, never wasting a second of our lives deciding if we’re more of a Team Edward or Team Jacob person because we’ll be too busy doing important things, like cleaning the dirt from under our fingernails with a ballpoint pen, or spacing out for an hour staring at a ceiling fan. In conclusion, “New Moon” sucks and on a scale of 22-39 I give “New Moon” a 22.5.

-Matt Rayford