Remake Roulette and Other Horrors

If you haven’t gathered this by now we here at Red Carpet Crash are not the biggest fans of remakes, reboots or most any other recycling of previously made movies. In fact, I personally loathe them so much that our esteemed editor told me that I should avoid any profanity for at least the first 140 characters of this article. So, now that I am well over that limit with this intro, let me say this:

File this under “Just Fucking Shoot Me.”

Time for another round of Remake Roulette, and you really have to wonder what the fuck they are smoking in Hollyrock and why aren’t they sharing it with the rest of the class. The latest movie to be fired out of the gun is… wait for it… “Scary Movie.”  Cinema Blend.com reports that we’re going to be treated not to a “Scary Movie 5,” but a complete rebooting of the series. Nevermind that the franchise stopped being funny about five minutes after the first one ended, they’re going to trot the old girl out for one more go. Can you say, “Too cheap to come up with fresh ideas?”

Bullet to the brainpan number two comes flying in on black wings, and while it’s not a remake, I would call it equally ill-advised. According to Mania.com, some genius over at Relativity has decided that there needs to be another “The Crow” movie. Director Stephen Norrington (“The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen”) is set to helm the relaunch with new characters and a new storyline. But it won’t be gothic. Nope, they are going for a “realistic, hard-edged and mysterious, almost documentary-style.”  Word is that the suits love it. Kinda like telling a Batman story with lots of bright colors, bad dialogue and nipples on the batsuit. Good luck with all that.

It all just goes to show you that not only will Hollywood keep flogging a dead horse; they’ll also though on some lipstick, a blonde wig and some nice pumps on it just to make things interesting.

You’ve been warned.