‘The Expendables’: Your Recommended Yearly Allowance Of Asskicking

As a child of the Eighties, I’m used to excess. After all, it was the decade’s defining trait. I’m reminded of that excess when seeing the first footage from Sylvester Stallone’s upcoming action orgy, “The Expendables.”

Run, Sly! Run like the wind!

The cast list reads like an adrenaline junkie’s peyote vision: Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, Randy Couture, Mickey Roarke, David Zayas, Bruce Willis, Danny Trejo… and a cameo from Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Synopsis? What, like you need to know anything other than “Testosterone! Shit blowing up! Witty hero banter! Sneering villians! More testosterone!” Okay, fine:

“The Expendables” follows a team of mercenaries on a mission to overthrow a South American dictator.

See? Who needs plot, when you’ve got a smorgasbord of ‘splody goodness, like this:

[flv:http://redcarpetcrash.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/ExpendablesTrailer.flv 550 412]

(The video keeps getting pulled, so if it’s not here when you’re looking for it, know that it rocks. Hard.)

This isn’t a proper “trailer,” but a promotion piece handed out to distributors to get ‘em to book it in theaters. Doesn’t matter – it’s the first real look at a movie that will have action fans salivating all the way until August 20, 2010.